I am convinced that a compliment that I have for someone else, isn’t mine to keep.
We often keep our praises and compliments for someone else for ourselves. Sometimes they are shallow, like seeing that a female co-worker has made an extra effort on her hair today or someone bought new shoes. But sometimes they run deeper, like appreciating the time someone has taken to educate you on something or be thoughtful of your private situation.
It is key to express yourself. Speak up! Inner whispers cannot be heard.
We often fear that we miscommunicate, so we refrain from communicating at all. Thoughts like:
- Does he think I try to curry favors
- I’m afraid that she thinks I try to hit on her
- This person always works this good, giving a compliment now is silly
- I think it’s inappropriate for me to say this since he or she is so much higher in the chain
are quickly in mind. There’s thousands of reasons to not do it, and it takes courage to do it.
Why should you do it anyhow?
Even though it’s hard, there are some good reasons to do it anyhow. You will see that when you practice this more often, the process will become much easier after a while.
- Positivity is infectious. A single positive word from a person you respect dearly can make you go home and tell your friends and family about it. You did well, made effort and somebody saw and valued it. Your day can be filled with an empowering feeling that makes you perform better than ever.
- Positive reinforcement steers better than punishment. Instead of telling what shouldn’t be done, appraise what should be done and people will follow that route.
- It’s okay to give people compliments when you feel insecure if they are appropriate, just make sure you also tell them your doubts (in not too much detail) about giving them.
- Telling that things are bad, will make people lose their faith and lust to work. The inverse of that is also true. Telling people they are doing good will make them feel reinforced and want to become better.
- Threat others the way you want to be treated yourself.
- By being thoughtful, you can create a bond of trust. This bond (especially for leaders) is necessary when times are more rough and you need your influencing skills to steer the ship with the nose in to the waves.
To put some more emphasis on the last point, remember that trust is:
Of the three factors you can influence as a leader, at least one third is controlled by intimacy which is built by honesty, respect and a watchful eye to the person and their situation and needs. A kind sincere recognition can go a long way!
Take the feeling that you have when you feel recognized and verbally rewarded. That power is also within you to give to someone else. Be carefull when to apply it, and don’t overdo it. But be confident that when you think it’s time to do it, it should be done without reconsidering. Bite your tongue and wait for the response. Observe and learn from what you’ve just done.
Be conscious of the power you have unleashed to shape the day of someone else